Its just about two things in reality.
The single man of discontinuity and his love for his little brother. In the midst of the horror, the little brother painted his eyes black//
Black as night, and hidden from sight, he keeps me in his arms, despite the thorns that harm...
Lets update the dilemma to what it is. I will be as straight as I can be, with the definitions you have allowed me.
And
I will not be traced into a corner.
And
I'll be honest.
This life can be fucking disgusting.
It seems, I have lost the light in my eyes.
I do not know if that means I have lost my innocence. But it is a crown I cannot give to my king. I am greatly saddened. And the water has turned red. I do not know what that means.
Father forgive me. It is hard for me to retain your light, it always was a struggle.
I believe you can consume me, stir wisdom inside me, but I am unsure of whether or not, this is a bad soul.
I am unsure of what this soul is.
You know, your eyes are all powerful.
I need your answer.
My words are twisted till its painful. And as my wounds lie open, she stares with her eyes stuck to the ceiling. Your man was dead and you salivated when you finally saw his blood. And my ghost keeps staring at you, with dark sadness for you in his tears.
I feel so unknown to the crowd and all these characters on stage.
So, I guess I'll have God to talk to, when I cannot swallow any more pills.
He will attend my soliloquy even when my tongue is too tired to talk.
He will know the second I speak my beliefs.
He wont trouble me with non-sense but will sit me down to discuss the colors and their hues and their places (colors are never non-sense to me) but THEY, the richer and the tyrannical, they have a insatiable thirst for dimensional qualities which alludes me since the colors are not yet in their place.
But He will take care to discuss the blood oath that has so carefully shaped my life.
And He will not leave me a single day.
Which is nice.
And he has made known his beautiful heart through the love he has poured out to me my whole life. But I face my actions, and my uncleanliness presents itself, as I aim to present myself before him.
I am a sick man.
I walk out the walk laden with guilt.
And under the setting summer sun its not a fast rapture, not a radiant revival. Its a sweet and slow serenade. Whispering the secrets that make the young fools, wise.
So my antagonistic heart plays against him with my exilirs and unbalanced chemicals. With my diabolical defects and my anthrophobic twich. I manipulate the reason out of my mind, and become drunk and delirious off of my merry arrogance. I swear off the oath that I set with the full content of my once softened heart.
Then my... my awful heart takes heed to the words of black beast. His lies shut me down,
and I regress
and take as many backwards steps
As I can.
And the sin has me by the throat. Pulverized, as I depart from this plane. Separated from my saving grace, by such a hateful
heart.
And I can only think it is coming to an end. That his only choice is to write me an inevitable tragic exit.
I wish I could describe all the things that have gone wrong. I wish I could make you aware of how I burned as I sin. I wish you could know how guilty I felt, and how much I regret the things that I did.
How I wish I was clean.
And there it is, its small but it there. As I begin to dive headfirst into the concrete, at the name of Jesus Christ, something inside me starts to breath.
The cold hand of my soul reaches for a connection. And I feel the hunger. I feel the starvation.
And dear friend, I tell you I am ashamed of the truth;
In my evil cowardice I aim to suppress my dieing soul with the pressure of that beast, who dwells with me.
And he has burst in, illuminated my tabernacle.
He carries with him what I have lost.
He carries with him my torch.
And I hold it close, Its every nook pleases me and its strength warms my cold body.
Oh! How he defies the odds, that I laid out for him. How he defies the lies and snares I left in my unclean temple.
Jesus, soft spoken Jesus.
You are filled with authority.
You are filled with love.
I am yours?
Oh Lord. But how can I be clean?
How can I be redeemed?
How can I change from the failure I've become addicted too.
It is all I know and see.
Jesus. You are so good. Why are you so hard to commit to.
Why won't I be yours completely?
I know these lies are empty, but they cripple me in the temptation.
You love me. With all your heart.
You say you can overcome the dark.
You rage against the black malice that burns me away.
You are the proof in my love.
You are the established cause of my revival.
I may be a fool.
But you will lead me to the truth.
You are my shepherd.
You rod will uphold me.
You will call my name as I wander.
Surely you will always find me.
Surely your love will grow and breathe in this tabernacle.
See, I know you raise the dead.
To be with you, is better than life, so surely life must be lived with you.
Break me down, my King.
Break me down, and break out into the visceral.
Seize me in my sleep. Sing deep into my heart.
Bloody up the beast, and bear your lion's teeth.
Stop me where I stand, take me and save me by romance.
I'm tired of watching it all burn, so hold me as we turn
Into this dance of lovers, your truth will drive me upwards.
Upwards to your father, Whom I can't help but adore
I beg you, Lord cleanse me
Cause Jesus Im afraid of God Almighty.
Bring me to the rivers edge.
Make me whole again.
Holy Holy Holy, Is the Lord Almighty.
I used a lot of photography from musicandphotography be sure to check it out. Its really good.
Is it all right that I keep my gun away, even though its loaded?
I always wondered if we outgrew our self-destructive tendencies.
I always guessed not.
I always thought you loved them.
And I was mad because you loved that dark "child" you hold.
I was mad because our chances for "our" children become slimmer at every worthless disgrace.
I was mad because I gave you the physical metaphor, and you accepted it without hesitation.
But it doesnt seem like you care for the real thing.
And look, I know I am a conceited, vindicated, self-justified bastard.
Ive been told.
I understand that this body has a potent poison brewing in my stomach. That I can be a colorless weapon, just waiting to be held in the right direction.
I know how you feel when I search your every cavity and crevice for plot devices and emotion's written evidence. You squirm when I reveal my inquiring thumb and my crafty fingers. And my apology is often long and overwritten.
I've been told.
But, to tell you the truth, my knuckles have been sore for far too long. My lungs are too tired to spend the breath. These burns have not diffused, and the particles cannot be cleaned cause they will always cling and you will never ever ever care. All the lines that were so carefully laid out are inevitably twisted. All the steal beams that took out the strength from my back candidly liquefy in your volcanic mind. As their trumpets outplay my serenade, the fire in my fist blackens my fingers.
And you know I'm too sinister to bike to the picnic, and I'm too smart to picket. But for every ribbon they collect my voice shrinks into a humming static. And somehow your diary became an invoice. And somehow the reporters got swallowed up by tyrants hungry for hostages. Who are you among the ghosts? Who are you speaking to when you address me? And what part of me do you savor? What part of me makes you grin and bite your lip during the quiet of the day?
Your an apostle to the self delusion of insomniacs. Your heartbreak consists of a body and a name, and but your tragedy are the love letters that you never opened. Open up the envelope. We left band aids inside.
And fuck me, I know that band aids wont piece together your heart.
I know...
And I wish they would. God, I fucking prayed that they would.
But I am just ink being washed off your body, and I spin down your drain along with all the blood. You finally felt my teeth and threw me off as the dead weight carcass you no longer know. My elongated neck and pale skin can only fade into another set of pink memories. Catch my coat, and tell me I am a liar again if you still yearn to cut me. You whisper your apocalypse under your breath as drive away.
I wish you could be proud of me.
And
Whenever you leave
Always, I wish
I wish someone had my back.
Cause circumstance can fuck us over. And its not because Im a deadbeat user.
And its not because your a special little fuck of a freak.
When I think about it all
God help me!
They can say so many things about me. But that wont change the promises I made. It wont change how the stars were aligned when I left out my hearts desire on your driveway.
I will take my self-respect and my dignity. I won't give my heart to the demons. To many good things are written upon that organ for the rampage of malevolent souls.
So when youre not afraid to leave the dark quarters of that labyrinth, come out and talk to me.
I will tell you that you are beautiful.
With whatever I have on me.
Because that is written on my heart.
Thats all I wanted to say.
That and..
Im sorry
(and I still want to be mad but I will say it because I love you and I regret hurting you but I do want you to know that I need respect and love too, despite the circumstance and my mistakes and my apathy and all that shit, and I am doing my damn best to make you proud and I want you to love me long enough to see me shine for God and You)
Double standards and hypocrisy trickle down my neck. I open my eyes as I clench this broken window, I reclaim the air inside my lungs and the scars on my hands. It is a stary night, and I was playing the piano in my sleep. But my eyes wouldn't leave this plane, this reality beckons me to dig a whole 10 feet deep. My eyes are drawn to the dark, now that the light is on the other side of the world.
The single man of discontinuity walks into my house playing a sweeter song than I ever heard. He picks at the banjo singing sweet blues. He steps forward with all his dignity, he never lost a drop. Not a day of shame lay on his face.
His treasure is starving men, and beaten women, and the quiet children of the north. And he treasures them in song and rhapsody, in the silence and during the calamity.
My punk-ass heart beats to the pulse of another heart, long gone in the distance, hidden away by society. Self pity and blood soaken regret pile up in my throat. Oh dear Lord, look away, I am about to spill it all up. Oh dear Lord, stop looking, Im a half-beat wannabee. He lunges forward and places his finger on my lips. My breath comes back to my lungs like thunder and all my dirty words are dissolved.
Oh, THEN, after that...
Then, after that he speaks.
His words are like warm water falling down on top of my head, every drop anoints me. His words are like crystal caves florescent by the shine of the stars. His words are taring through the air, defying every ambush and hijack plot set against this heart of stone. His words are as quiet as the breeze, but boy do they take me home.
But I tear and twist at the sight of his kingdom, and I crack my ribs because the hypocrisy and error is burned deep in my skin. I know I've hearkened and I know I've been a fool and I cant help but feel I've missed this train. I found out gold wasn't gold unless there was light to shine upon it, and I was looking so hard in the water to find this gold, that I sank pretty deep into these dark blue pits.
And my older brother touches my eyes, and I never even realized they were closed. And as I look up, I notice he is wearing my blood soaken regret and the black crawling fear from inside me. I must of... thrown up.
He is wiping me down, for I spilt my shame in my lapse of consciousnesses. And as he clenses me of my filth in my nakedness, all my scars are sewn up and sealed up and I am uncursed. Just a reflex, he says, just his nature. I lie with my eyes open upon his face...
The night doesnt seem so dark anymore.
My brother, holds me as I sleep. He treasures my childs heart... despite the thorns that harm.
I want to fly, can you take me far away? Give me a star to reach for. Tell me what it takes and Ill go so high. Ill go so high my feet wont touch the ground.Stitch my wings and pull the strings. I bought these dreams that all fall down.
No matter far we go, its all a fragment of our home...
Oh Wonderland, Where is your rabbit hole?
Oh Blackbird, can you remember when evil didn't always tug away at your heart?
Can you remember when the lies didn't create disaster, and were concurred by heroes, here to initiate our happily ever after. Where illusions were harmless and not the work of the cults and false prophets.
False Prophets like me.
Fools like me, will always ache. They will always dream of autumn days in fields of grass, and they bleed when they have go anywhere, because they can only floor it. Fools like me, will always ache. Just dream, they all tell me, just be a little more romantic, or you'll forget to live, they all tell me.
Well you sure didn't forget to live did you now.
You were so busy living, you forgot to die.
You thought your life was yours.
Now you cry out to the Lord,
Asking him for a deeper relationship.
Deeper you say?
Well we can go deeper, we can go to all those lies you told yourself, in order to have exactly what you wanted. Oh, you fool, you knew. You knew all along what was happening. You were taught the truth as a young child. No, that is an error.
You were introduced.
Breathe deep you fool. Your machine ran out of chemical x. Now the blood will run deep, because all the parts are broken. Red syrup runs down cold steel corridors, and out the rotting pipes. The cold blood stains your jeans and shirt, and you lie to everyone, telling them it was accidental. The very thing that we were all worried about, it took you. And all that darkness is held on your eyes, and they aint pure no more. And all those lies you told won't hold the water in your eyes; Cause my friend, your heart is a-throbbin.
You ask to go deeper with God, and you know where he is going to go. Cause he is the truth.
And GOD was the one who made the rain. And he decided we needed to die.
The truth is, your heart aches for him Daniel. And your'e all brokenhearted all over the place. The truth is, you know what's right and wrong. You know how to speak slow, and listen close. The truth is, baby aint gonna save you from this one. The truth is, you can't breath without his voice, and he is pumpin your heart, and puttin air in your lungs.
And, yes this will haunt you. There isn't anyway around that. These memories hang heavy right now.
These memories make you feel like you'll never be alright.
Breathe deep you fool. God loves you.
God loves you, and thats why he's here. And God is good and God is truth, and that is why he burns.
And he surpasses all of this. Even though it makes NO sense at times.
Your world aint gonna change like you like it, by saying a simple prayer. Your'e holding her by her hair. You are holding her as you slip away.
And she's sweeter than honey. Sweeter than fresh air. But she ain't sweeter than God.
She aint sweeter than God...
But she sure is sweet.
Every facet of your mind holds her. Every breath holds her name.
My sister, give me a ticket. I need my salvation. I need my rescue.
I need to burn down and be broken.
Cause this construct I built, It's made by a child. These machines don't run. Your engine has no fuel, and you are floating in the wake of Psalv-Muron. And you know where Aslands Land is. And he told you its time for you to go. These ruins, this bat, this is no kingdom for you.
No your kingdom, has strong men. Cause you cant do this alone. And your kingdom has a strong wife. Cause you can't do this alone. And you hold a torch in this kingdom, cause you know damn well that bat won't slaughter them.
Not with no bat.
There's no more secrets anymore, anyway. All the cards have been laid out. And your poker face was terrible to begin with.
Let go deeper.
Somewhere real deep where you know it's safe to go.
Daniel, he is going to take care of you.
He got your back, through and through.
Yeah, you weren't meant to last.
But your'e gonna last through it all. And he's gonna keep all those promises, and bless you still.
God loves you.
Keep your voice golden torchbearer.
[No Release is a super sweet rare find by the way, Brian Fallon wrote this when he was 15]
Do you feel it Lord? Do you feel this darkness inside of me? Arnt you inside of me to? Wasn't I in your waters. Haven't we been one? What ever happened to that?
Does it protrude through your dreams too? Or is just me?
Oh Lord, how alone I feel at times.
Have you been around? Are my eyes always closed?
Why am I such a child. I do not wish to be. Still nothing moves.
DID I MISS YOU?
How could I ever pull you deeper into myself. Deeper than this sin.
I-I just want you to be one with me, to never leave me. Not to be all fucked up like this. All the time.
Pull the cloak over my head. Take me to the darker room.
Look I do not care if it is essentially torture.
Just press through all my guts and my "essential" organs... and place yourself in me.
Maybe it is a surgery I would have to do myself.
So here is the Gospel.
You reconciled me to the father, by your death.
You left me with the holy spirit.
Nothing is impossible by the hands of the father.
Oh, Lord, my patience grows thin. How much more brokenness is permissible?
How much more before you take me. I admit how weak I am.
THE MORE WE WAIT THE MORE WEAK WE GROW WITHOUT YOU.
THE MORE TERRIFIED WE BECOME.
the more alone we become. At this distance, how can you not miss us?
And just when I get back to the daytime, its night again.
Just as you said, I denied you three times before the rooster crowed.
Jesus, I don't know if I would die for you.
I don't know.
And if thats the case, why should you take me with you.
Without you, if you ever take your hand off my shoulder, my heart falls apart.
It just crumbles, and he gets another ribbon, he counts them, he has counted all of them, and presses them deep into me. He punctures everything. Everything. He won't leave anything alone. Anything.
Oh Jesus Christ, can you hear me?
My words might not surmount to much, but can you see my heart?
Blackbird, can you now see how spiritually weak I am?
