Its just about two things in reality.
The single man of discontinuity and his love for his little brother. In the midst of the horror, the little brother painted his eyes black//
Black as night, and hidden from sight, he keeps me in his arms, despite the thorns that harm...
To many thoughts fill my head.
Thoughts about people I have no ability to help.
Like my brother.
Like my mother.
Like you dear.
All those facing an inferno. Facing the trials of a failing body. Paranoia. Addiction. Age.
Where is hope found for those who dont know how to hope?
Who teaches them?
Who repels the demons that visit them at night?
Look,
If You are life, if you are as relentless as You seem to be, wouldnt You burn up those towns? Wouldnt You send down a holy fire upon my lips, or are You waiting for righteousness? Are You waiting for them to suffer more, or are You moving across the scales on our eyes? Your promises are like sapphires in the cavern of my soul. But these voices ask me to pluck them out.
King, for all my paranoia and sleepless suffering, I know you are not the enemy. You are what you are.
Does not mean I am not challenged with you.
I watch pressure and stress mold and form my friends. I watch the manifold manifestations of deceit and trickery reveal themselves in the eyes of my dearest ones. And for some reason, I can hold to You. I can commit myself to repentance. I must acknowledge You as life, for I know its like mercury in my veins, whenever I push You away. The emptiness leaves me staggering, and I will pull out all my hair if I cannot keep you. But Lord, these ghosts, these waiting children, are in such desperate need of miracles.
And maybe their desperation will bring them out of depression. They need mercy for themselves more than anything. But their heart is thick with these stones. Blood spurts out at every seem, and we must wait for their patience.
I must speak the truth, Your Spirit will rest with us in our rooms, waiting to be called upon. How could you ask Him to fill you with nothing? If you need sustenance, how can you ask for anything but Him?
How could you rest in this grey life, how could you breathe in that stagnant air.
Oh, how I would move to see you live.
The tears that would come at seeing you like this.
I want to stick my head in eternal waters. Drench my hair in forever. Like John, I want to see the bride be what she was made to be. I want to see her hands move under the dirt and pull the steel out of the ground. Those left in the cold underground would finally breathe. And these obscuring towers finally would crumble.
But that is not what I see the bride doing. She has no charity for the common man.
And her children do not know God. How could they if they do not know widows and orphans.
And if I scream. If I shout, will she move? Can I shake her?
And look, I know. She is riddled with disease. She is paranoid and trembling.
She has been undermined, belittled, raped and molested. So like a sickly woman, she turns to her abusers and says "help me"
And I am a member of this body, I move with its mass. How can I tear from its sickness? How can I lift this body?
I refuse to relent. I will not be swept under this current.
She is not a lamb, she is not a child. She is an oxen in need of water. And she is pale in the light, but her strength lies under her black fur.
My eyes have seen the strength of a Mother Bear defending her cubs from Satan's hold. She slips, breaks her bones and her health whithers. But her fists are still engaged, and she will not hesitate from striking her next blow. She will stand solid in the whirlwind, the wicked will fall around her. Her inheritance is her treasure, the Kingdom one she'll fight to see.
The beasts mouth shall be ripped open, its jaw torn off. It will be silenced, and the victory of the Lord will obliterate its deathly seduction of the sick. The Champ and I will tie up this Juggernaut with chains! Just as my mother and your father did before us. We will bring him to his knees, and lanterns will rise in this city to celebrate the new light of our hearts!
But brother, I cannot do this alone. I know I am a saint, living to worship, and I know you will bring me back up from the dirt. And of course, I will not let you die. We cant die! We got to much work to do. This kingdom aint gonna be built outta nothing. Takes men and women of inhuman courage to climb this mountain.
Weve spent to much time running as fools. I always knew that I was meant for victory, and I always ran from it.
I always fled from the Faithful King when hope seemed to slim. But what I've grown to learn is that hopelessness is based in deceit. Inexperienced children lash out at their siblings, and cry when they are lonely. Its not the same sad song anymore. We are too smart to let the light go out from our bodies. That light MUST pour out to those who can barely see, to those who are stumbling around. And I aint preaching for evangelism. Im talking about hope. Bout when stuff is so fucked up nobody round here can keep a tear out of their eye.
Im tired of seeing everyone crying all the time. Tired of people telling me how lonely they are. I see the people, the members of the bride, and it seems they are their just by circumstance.
They were just lucky. But Lord. Those who do not have that circumstance. Those widows and orphans. I know Blackbird didnt have that circumstance. I know my blood brother did not. But as the Body of Christ, are we supposed to enrapture them with love?
If there is going to be a rapture, shouldnt we bring it? We are so busy waiting for the world to change. The world is suffering around us. Their problems seem insurmountable, you feel covered in darkness, as if you are standing in the shadow of a colossus. You turn and move out of the way, you set up an empty commitment and make false promises. But your punishment isnt a bloody death, or even a curse upon your bones. No, your punishment is that hollow men and women will surround your grave on the day you die. Void of the love you neglected to share.
As I said. I refuse to relent, I refuse to let go of these people. I will never give up on them no matter how far they turn. You may call me a fool for doing so. But if thats what makes a man a fool, I will be the greatest fool of all.
I will love these people with all the strength the Great King gives me, but I hope, that one day, I will not have to do so alone.
Look at this gray land my brother. Look here Blackbird.
Start the fire. We can burn these dead trees. We'll burn on these accursed memories.
But like the Will of Fire, our love shall consume us.
Our love will warm this cold earth. Gentle hands will pick up these ruins. When you feel the strain in your back, burst forth from the never-dying passion. Let hope swell up deep within your stomach and let it overflow, let it encompass every breath.
I know things are different than the visions of the quiet.
The thorns and thistles twist around this empire of dark.
Insatiable hearts cling to these rocks, singing horrible songs of misguided love and illusions wrapped in shallow glamour. If they could they would eternally retreat to a warm, solitary fortress wrapped in the comfort of pitch black. They cut their hair and claw at their surroundings, and they cant see the
beautiful stars.
Close your eyes dear.
Feel the sun.
Feel our fathers warmth.
Brother, feel his hands on your weary shoulders.
we are his children.
young, but strong.
He will not deny us our victory, but if we stay still, if we dont move, who will?
We are the chosen children.
We will inherit our brother's victory. I will not be conquered by the enemy.
If we do not love our kingdom that is being prepared for us, who will fill it?
You dont honestly think he made you from dust, then died for that dust, just for you to pray sometimes and go to a sanctuary on a Sunday?
I saw you there, as you laid in that dirt. As the flesh wore off your bones and those creatures picked you apart. I knew when I looked into your eyes, that you were made for more beautiful things. If only I could take you by your hand, and lead you to that secret room, where he whispers his secrets. Just if you could know for one second longer how gorgeous the royal throne is.
I, myself, lied in the dirt. Like the mass of humanity, I did not know what love was.
I was sworn a traitor and an orphan. And my wage was never enough to pay the debt.
I was beat. I was cursed. I feared.
My eyes were hollow, my bones lifeless. My hair was matted and my skin was broken.
I was gone.
But their are saints who would not allow such things to happen.
A White Grizzly lent me his wise words and fathered my faith. I have grown to love a Champ of Angels (and all the True Cowboys).
I had the Fearfully-brave Poet share the beauty unseen, and the Valiant Patron of Aslan showed me the unremarkable colors of truth.
And Blackbird has exemplified the true work of The Spirit, whether she knows it or not.
My brother's love has come at me like a tidal wave. Now a radiance shines upon my cheeks; my eyes sparkle and my love is growing strong. My work is hard but my reward is sweet. The fight is bloody and I turn my head nearly every day, but I aint going back. Cause I am here to march to you, lift you on my shoulders and take you with me.
I aint got no time for dying. Neither do you. Not for the juggernaut, not for ester darker. Your fallout will silenced with his breath.
Never die, never be satisfied with this gray life.
You rest on my shoulder watching the sun rise. You can feel the warmth of my skin as my yawning cheeks are met by golden sun rays.You are afraid to die, so you crawl inside.
Conversation stops as I start to choke. You slither down my spine round the vertebrae, pulling them apart. I can feel you in my body, I know the course of these movements. Back threw my throat. You consume my mind.
You are a snake and you steal love inside.
I am just clay, I am just flesh molding under the pressure of anyone's fingers.
The blood grow thick under my forehead. And nothing will alleviate this sickness.
CAST DOWN YOUR IDOLS YOU SAY.
VICTORY OVER THE DEAD BY MY HANDS?
The dead slowly come to realize that their hands are not golden and strong but pale and quivering. The light jumps and I thrash into a darkness.
All I wanted was to be THE ONE WHO LOVED YOU LIKE YOU ALWAYS WANTED.
All I am is a muddied reflection in a dirty mirror of the man you need.
He walks away and I am not even there.
Miracles are elusive in the darkness of sin.
When I cant find a miracle I'll pretend.
Pretending doesnt help my case either.
I know
I know.
A juggernaut beckons me with angry fingers on my eyes. Older Brother, why so?
"Okay" the conducter says to me as he walks up to my seat
"You.. sir... seem to be....
You..
I'm sorry sir,
Youre just to crazy to ride"
"Get the fuck off"
Thats what I know. Nonsensical brutality aimed at my sanity.
I quietly pick up my mess,
I clumsily try to stack my papers, he taps his foot impatiently.
I walk down the aisle as everyone stares at me.
I walk barefoot on a rich red carpet.
I am not wear I belong.
I step off.
And honestly, when I was with you (you thoughtless thought), I just wanted to shove
a little fire down your throat.
I wanted to be the one to break your spirit. I wanted to twist your spine to look like mine.
I do not celebrate my excuse. I despise the hurt and the pain and I cry for liberation.
I walk in the dirt, the sunset is beautiful, and I join the sick and wasted (those who would never think to get on the train). I find you (my sister) alongside the train tracks and we kick dirt and grunt and get dust in our eyes.
I always find you alone here. Sitting by the edge. You just bleed out the strength to crack their windows. All the same. Youre right. We should all plan to say goodbye.
You (my sister) always leave to make yourself weak. And I want to scream for you, but you know, generally we are in a place where that would be publicly unacceptable.
So you want the ocean? Take it in and breath it deep into your lungs.
Bury your face in your fear. I cannot pull you by your hair. I cannot electrify your body and move it to salvation. I cannot even do that for myself.
I cannot love you as a lover. I will love you as your friend.
I will crawl up the mountains with you to find glimpses of hope, I will crawl with you through the thin crevices in this shanty town to receive just a hint of our salvation. I will push past my bodies pleas for death, on through the tunnel, and onto that shore(that one that I live for)(the one that I always forget)
The train passes us as we walk. I watch you watch it go by.
I etch your name in the air, I hold your heart in my head, beating and pulsing against my thoughts and emotions. You pant, fall on your knees and claw and grasp at the air.
I hear sounds of bones clash against one another and I realize you a bleeding. You (all of the cherished) etch his name(his are the lies) in a circle, and draw a curse for yourself in the center. His hands arise from the ground and hold on to you. I watch his hands secure your legs to the ground.
I know you (you thoughtless thought) wouldn't believe the things that are happening to me, I know you barely believe in her. But hear me now, we are not the first nor the last of our kind.
I pull you(all of the cherished) by your shirt, you feel me lean closer than you are comfortable, and I whisper in your ear,
"He is here for your eyes"
But you never wanted to go onward. You like it by the tracks. You like it here. You know your pain.
You(my sister) think you just might escape one day. You always sort of wished you could of ridden that train.
I said to her,
"I dont think that train goes anywhere.
There is only onward.
Over the mountain, through the crevice, into the tunnel and out onto the shore.
Just kick the dirt (like we always do), scatter his name.
Your eyes are dull I know. So hold onto the lion."
I dont know what you see when I speak to you, but you twist your head and say to me,
"I will not follow you anywhere."
so what is the point?
I search my mind for an answer,
I see the imprints of our dancing in the dirt.
I remember the words you wrote on your wall.
And sometimes,
Sometimes I see the man of discontinuity waiting for me to leave.
Sowhatnow?
I walk unsteadly, my eyes are dim. I am unstable without you(my sweet sister).
I wish you were here.
But I know I will spend an eternity with you. And maybe some time before that.
But now I see a great city before. I have survived psalv-muron, but it still latches onto me.
Thankfully, My Most Wonderful Brother gifted me with a little electricity in my veins.
And anyways, I cant stay, I have a Juggernaut to slay.
Its just a different nowhere than the one I used to know.
Not like the one that threaded the needle through my skin, round the prison bars.
Its just, I had to close my eyes in order to hold her hand.
Hand in hand we would shut down on the world.
Some escape.
But as she broke in breathless affliction, serrated love filled her heart. Her knees buckle before the strangling powers. She touches her captor with sincere affection. The demon lies next to her, and writes words upon her forehead.
Some escape.
Same funeral. Blackbird, you always take me down. You show me, how much it hurts. And I cant help but weep about it all the time. Now, its just that I cant hold you still as you shiver. Now, I have no trees to hide my rage.
Just a blank stare. In a Dead World.
Just a weary soul picking up broken flesh. Moving it around.
I sit here clutching useless lists,
keys for doors that don't exist
I crack my teeth on pearls
I tear into the history
Show me what it means to me in this world
Yeah, in this world
'Cause I am due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
And I won't close my eyes
Till I understand or go blind
I see the parts but not the whole
I study saints and scholars both
No perfect plan unfurls
Do I trust my heart or just my mind
Why is truth so hard to find in this world
Yeah in this world
'Cause I am due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
And I won't close my eyes
Till I understand or go blind (till I understand or go blind)
I know that there's a point I've missed
A shrine or stone I haven't kissed
A scar that never graced my wrist
A mirror that hasn't met my fist
But I can't help feeling like I'm
Due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign (waiting for a sign)
I'll stare straight into the sun
And I won't close my eyes (and I won't close my eyes)
26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. 27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
- James 1:26-27
The Torchbearer buried his face in lies. Black sticky atrocity filling his mind until it was gushing a purple poison.
Brother. What was I to do? The pressure was mounting. Our relationship? Lord you are strong enough to carry this sin. You are always there to come back to. Lord, by definition I am a whore. I will leave you to satisfy the lies. And when you come to me I will raise wooden nails. Brother, please don't come so close.
The torchbearer is no knight. He is a wanderer. A begger. All he has is that little flame.
He is a sickly man, a shape-shifter.
His veins would bulge from his temple as his skin shifts into dark shades of blue; a desire is bubbling from his the solar plexus and he is no longer awake.
He blows out his own light, because he knows
exactly
what is going to happen
and he does not want his faithful lover to see...
How I RAGE against the kingdom.
BUT MY VISION GETS TOO WELL ADJUSTED TO THE DARK.
I SEE YOU THERE GOD!
I SEE YOUR WHITE EYES WATCHING ME LEAVE YOU FOR MY OWN DEATH!
AND I SEE YOUR SADNESS AS I BETRAY YOU FOR QUICK PLEASURE.
I USE THE HANDS YOU THAT MADE TO COVER THE THAT EARS YOU MADE SO THAT I WONT HEAR THAT YOU LOVE ME!!!
BUT JESUS, YOU SHOULD SEE THAT HOLLOW LOOK SHE GIVES ME.
IT SHINES THROUGH HER BONES.
I would re-open my wounds to dissolve her fears.
I would tear up my healing heart to make her shattered one seem more complete.
I have spent so much time, trying to make her complete.
But the fragments continue to fracture in my claws.
THE BROKENNESS CONSUMES ME EVERMORE
I AM UNEQUIPPED TO HOLD HER HAND MY GOD
WILL YOU BE THERE
WILL YOU HOLD HER MY SWEET LOVER
LORD MY TONGUE BEGS TO SING HER NAME
BUT YOURS IS FORCIBLY IGNORED IN MY BRAIN
MY FINGERTIPS ARE HOT AND RED AND I CANT WAIT
TO TURN AND LOSE MY LOVE AGAIN
if i lose your love Lord
ilosemylife
THEN AT MY FUNERAL, HER SOMMONIA WILL CRAWL OUT OF MY TOMB
AND SHE WILL NOT ATONE
NO SHE WILL GO DOWN COUGHING
THE SICKNESS WILL CRAWL FROM HER BURNING KNEES
UP INTO HER HEART
AND INTO HER EARS
CAUSE MY SINFUL SACRIFICE
JUST REINFORCED
THOSE LIES
SHE WILL TOSS AND TURN IN HER BED
UNTIL ITS GOTTA RUN DOWN HER SKIN
AND I WILL TURN IN MY GRAVE
AND I WILL WEEP IN MY YOUTH
LORD IF MY LUST IS A CULPRIT
I DO NOT WANT TO LUST EVER AGAIN
THE BLACK BEAST HAS RISEN AS MY IDENTITY
ITS JUST NOW IN HER DESTRUCTION
THAT I CALL OUT FOR SALVATION
CAUSE IF THIS IS WHO I AM
IF THIS IS WHO I AM GOING TO BE
LORD I CANT FIGURE A WAY OUT
WITHOUT YOU
LORD I JUST GOT HER VOICEMAIL
AND I THINK SHE IS FALLING FOR SOMEONE ELSE
LORD I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO
DEAR JESUS I NEED YOUR HELP
5 Jesus replied, "Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. 6 Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.
-John 3:5-6
And the spirit said to me;
"I WILL NOT CONDEMN YOU
I WILL NOT PUT YOU TO DEATH
YES, THE PENALTY OF SIN WAS DEATH
SO I DIED
YES! THE PENALTY OF SIN WAS DEATH
SO I DIED."
"AND NOW I WILL EAT WITH YOU
I HAVE STAYED WITH YOU THROUGH THE DARKNESS
I WILL COUNSEL YOU INTO THE LIGHT
TORCHBEARER, I WILL TAKE YOUR SCARS FOR YOU
FOR I AM THE LORD JESUS CHRIST
I WILL FORGIVE YOU A MILLION TIMES OVER AND A MILLION TIMES MORE
I WILL TAKE ALL YOUR WOODEN NAILS
I WILL CRAWL TO YOU THROUGH THE THORNS
WE WILL RISE ABOVE THIS WATER
I WILL BREATHE MY LIFE INTO YOUR BLACKENED LUNGS"
"JOSEPH, THE SIN AND FLESH WILL SOON BE DEAD
FOR IT IS THE CORE OF YOUR BEING I HAVE WON
I AM WHAT RESIDES THERE
WHO SHOULD STAND AGAINST ME?
NO DEMON CAN SEPARATE US!"
"BE STILL CHILD AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD"
"JUST AS I GAVE YOU A SOUL TO ENCOMPASS THE THINGS OF YOUR HEART
JUST AS I GAVE YOU A BRAIN TO CONTROL YOUR BODY
I BIRTHED YOU A SPIRIT, A HOLY OF HOLIES
IN WHICH I RESIDE
YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME"
"IN THE SIN,
YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME.
I WILL SEND MY WORD AFTER YOU,
YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME.
I WILL PULL YOU BACK TO ME,
YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME.
I WILL BLESS YOUR LIFE,
YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME.
I WILL BREAK YOUR HEART,
YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME.
I WILL TAKE YOUR BURDENS,
YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME.
YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME AND YOU WILL LIVE BECAUSE OF IT.
YOU WILL BE A SLAVE TO RIGHTEOUSNESS
AND I WILL SATURATE MYSELF IN YOU
THROUGH WHICH YOU ARE SANCTIFIED.
BUT TORCHBEARER YOU MUST CAST DOWN YOUR IDOLS."
Then my Brother and I sat in sweet silence as I took him in.
As the Christ held my broken heart in his in his scarred hands, the shadows fled my cloak and the light of his eyes brightened my face. The cancer growing on my skin was ash in the wind. I simply breathed out the poison that once had overrun my veins.
He held my gaze.
He said this to me;
" LET ME HAVE ANNIE, LEAVE HER WITH ME.
JOSEPH, I CAN GIVE HER LIFE IN A WAY YOU NEVER COULD.
