Its just about two things in reality.
The single man of discontinuity and his love for his little brother. In the midst of the horror, the little brother painted his eyes black//
Black as night, and hidden from sight, he keeps me in his arms, despite the thorns that harm...
Joseph cant give it up tonight. Swimming away in this grave, they tell me to hold on to my clothes, cause their gonna strip me of my bravery.
Joseph cant give it up tonight. The grown men will shake my hand and look me in the eye. But things have gone terribly wrong and we all know it. The years are all just whispers to the elderly children. Whispers of truths and lies. Whispers that make the women weep, and make the men rage inside. And we rage away, and take away until they all go away. And I've been learning, real well, how to die.
Joseph cant give it up tonight. I gotta make it through. The morning is coming, and
I. Do. Not. Want. To. Be. To. Deep. To. See.
Whisper me a storm. There is a deeper voice inside my gut.
No its beneath my guts and organs, beyond my brain, down deep in the cavern of my soul. There is a king writing my destiny upon its earthen walls. Thoroughly yet quietly he dies to make himself known to me. Now the light rides his fingertips up and down upon the obsidian, carving his beautiful name onto me.
Joseph cant give it up tonight. Cause he knows he has to get there. Those horsemen couldn't catch. Cause Joseph, he might not be the fastest, but he's a violent punk-saint-radical. You know, the kind we dont like.
Propositions and words wont do it for me. I have pull myself through the waters, before my supply runs out. But even with the oxygen, my head still spins. Holding my eyes open seems to have the same effect as when my eyes are closed.
Cold darkness runs across my neck pulling at my emotions, and it claws for more. But its all I got in this empty black sea. We drift aimlessly apart, and my consistency seems to be failing me. It all dissolves in the pointless blank terror. This horrible membrane is against me, on every step shame arises, and steals and cheats me out of what I need.
I am thrashing, and shouting and singing and hurting, but I am still here. I will have to defeat this tempest here.
A hundred drops of dew lay upon her body. She lies in the tall golden grass, slowly fading away, slowly escaping this world by sunstroke. Its a slow way to die, but her sweet laughter is enough to keep me here, prisoner by this inescapable depression. Sometimes, I'll ponder whether I'm really depressed, or if I'm just becoming dark wonder. Slipping my heart away, through the deepest folds of the universe, till the walls curve up on me. Till I find a place where nothing could leave, a place no one knows exist.
And she'll hold onto my dead body, waiting for me to say something. Waiting for answers I never knew the answers to anyways. Waiting for me to rise and show her what is good.
Psalv-Muron isn't letting go of my burning soul. The black flames of Amaterasu engulf my pretty face, through the cortex and through my blackened eyes. And though this freezing water rushes against my knees, I cant wash my face. I am scared. King, I am losing myself again. Perhaps finally. What if, this was the end.
I would leap out of this water. But what am I, without you.
You who would bring these bones back from the abyss, just to let them drop again.
And my angry delusions, spill forth at the mentions of your name. I push and shove myself into this icy sea, and I lie underneath, in these cocaine dreams. I turn prostrate, finding warmth under these burning rocks. The water turns red.
As I sleep the madness sets in. Running mad, from his bright eyes, from the entity whom I must face. Somehow he consumed all the others, holding there fingers, eyes like headlights. From fifty yards away, I hear him whisper "YOU'LL NEVER GET OUT OF THIS"
And my fear has its words set deep into my ribs, etched out on my shins and wrists. And lust has my hands shaking white, and my chest burning red. And its lust and fear keeping me here, for play with the thing with eyes like headlights. Digging his elongated fingers through my intestines, perhaps hes looking for my hate, or maybe just the last of my sanity.
Echos of indistinguishable voices ring through my head. Are they warning me, will I ever know. Dull and numb, I feel their operation.
Psalv-Muron is terrible. And it keeps me under. The water has picked up, the awful salty seafoam choking me. And my vision is slipping again. Fading into. Black.
Lord. they are destroying your temple. You gonna raise it in three days?
Lets update the dilemma to what it is. I will be as straight as I can be, with the definitions you have allowed me.
And
I will not be traced into a corner.
And
I'll be honest.
This life can be fucking disgusting.
It seems, I have lost the light in my eyes.
I do not know if that means I have lost my innocence. But it is a crown I cannot give to my king. I am greatly saddened. And the water has turned red. I do not know what that means.
Father forgive me. It is hard for me to retain your light, it always was a struggle.
I believe you can consume me, stir wisdom inside me, but I am unsure of whether or not, this is a bad soul.
I am unsure of what this soul is.
You know, your eyes are all powerful.
I need your answer.
My words are twisted till its painful. And as my wounds lie open, she stares with her eyes stuck to the ceiling. Your man was dead and you salivated when you finally saw his blood. And my ghost keeps staring at you, with dark sadness for you in his tears.
I feel so unknown to the crowd and all these characters on stage.
So, I guess I'll have God to talk to, when I cannot swallow any more pills.
He will attend my soliloquy even when my tongue is too tired to talk.
He will know the second I speak my beliefs.
He wont trouble me with non-sense but will sit me down to discuss the colors and their hues and their places (colors are never non-sense to me) but THEY, the richer and the tyrannical, they have a insatiable thirst for dimensional qualities which alludes me since the colors are not yet in their place.
But He will take care to discuss the blood oath that has so carefully shaped my life.
And He will not leave me a single day.
Which is nice.
And he has made known his beautiful heart through the love he has poured out to me my whole life. But I face my actions, and my uncleanliness presents itself, as I aim to present myself before him.
I am a sick man.
I walk out the walk laden with guilt.
And under the setting summer sun its not a fast rapture, not a radiant revival. Its a sweet and slow serenade. Whispering the secrets that make the young fools, wise.
So my antagonistic heart plays against him with my exilirs and unbalanced chemicals. With my diabolical defects and my anthrophobic twich. I manipulate the reason out of my mind, and become drunk and delirious off of my merry arrogance. I swear off the oath that I set with the full content of my once softened heart.
Then my... my awful heart takes heed to the words of black beast. His lies shut me down,
and I regress
and take as many backwards steps
As I can.
And the sin has me by the throat. Pulverized, as I depart from this plane. Separated from my saving grace, by such a hateful
heart.
And I can only think it is coming to an end. That his only choice is to write me an inevitable tragic exit.
I wish I could describe all the things that have gone wrong. I wish I could make you aware of how I burned as I sin. I wish you could know how guilty I felt, and how much I regret the things that I did.
How I wish I was clean.
And there it is, its small but it there. As I begin to dive headfirst into the concrete, at the name of Jesus Christ, something inside me starts to breath.
The cold hand of my soul reaches for a connection. And I feel the hunger. I feel the starvation.
And dear friend, I tell you I am ashamed of the truth;
In my evil cowardice I aim to suppress my dieing soul with the pressure of that beast, who dwells with me.
And he has burst in, illuminated my tabernacle.
He carries with him what I have lost.
He carries with him my torch.
And I hold it close, Its every nook pleases me and its strength warms my cold body.
Oh! How he defies the odds, that I laid out for him. How he defies the lies and snares I left in my unclean temple.
Jesus, soft spoken Jesus.
You are filled with authority.
You are filled with love.
I am yours?
Oh Lord. But how can I be clean?
How can I be redeemed?
How can I change from the failure I've become addicted too.
It is all I know and see.
Jesus. You are so good. Why are you so hard to commit to.
Why won't I be yours completely?
I know these lies are empty, but they cripple me in the temptation.
You love me. With all your heart.
You say you can overcome the dark.
You rage against the black malice that burns me away.
You are the proof in my love.
You are the established cause of my revival.
I may be a fool.
But you will lead me to the truth.
You are my shepherd.
You rod will uphold me.
You will call my name as I wander.
Surely you will always find me.
Surely your love will grow and breathe in this tabernacle.
See, I know you raise the dead.
To be with you, is better than life, so surely life must be lived with you.
Break me down, my King.
Break me down, and break out into the visceral.
Seize me in my sleep. Sing deep into my heart.
Bloody up the beast, and bear your lion's teeth.
Stop me where I stand, take me and save me by romance.
I'm tired of watching it all burn, so hold me as we turn
Into this dance of lovers, your truth will drive me upwards.
Upwards to your father, Whom I can't help but adore
I beg you, Lord cleanse me
Cause Jesus Im afraid of God Almighty.
Bring me to the rivers edge.
Make me whole again.
Holy Holy Holy, Is the Lord Almighty.
I used a lot of photography from musicandphotography be sure to check it out. Its really good.
Is it all right that I keep my gun away, even though its loaded?
I always wondered if we outgrew our self-destructive tendencies.
I always guessed not.
I always thought you loved them.
And I was mad because you loved that dark "child" you hold.
I was mad because our chances for "our" children become slimmer at every worthless disgrace.
I was mad because I gave you the physical metaphor, and you accepted it without hesitation.
But it doesnt seem like you care for the real thing.
And look, I know I am a conceited, vindicated, self-justified bastard.
Ive been told.
I understand that this body has a potent poison brewing in my stomach. That I can be a colorless weapon, just waiting to be held in the right direction.
I know how you feel when I search your every cavity and crevice for plot devices and emotion's written evidence. You squirm when I reveal my inquiring thumb and my crafty fingers. And my apology is often long and overwritten.
I've been told.
But, to tell you the truth, my knuckles have been sore for far too long. My lungs are too tired to spend the breath. These burns have not diffused, and the particles cannot be cleaned cause they will always cling and you will never ever ever care. All the lines that were so carefully laid out are inevitably twisted. All the steal beams that took out the strength from my back candidly liquefy in your volcanic mind. As their trumpets outplay my serenade, the fire in my fist blackens my fingers.
And you know I'm too sinister to bike to the picnic, and I'm too smart to picket. But for every ribbon they collect my voice shrinks into a humming static. And somehow your diary became an invoice. And somehow the reporters got swallowed up by tyrants hungry for hostages. Who are you among the ghosts? Who are you speaking to when you address me? And what part of me do you savor? What part of me makes you grin and bite your lip during the quiet of the day?
Your an apostle to the self delusion of insomniacs. Your heartbreak consists of a body and a name, and but your tragedy are the love letters that you never opened. Open up the envelope. We left band aids inside.
And fuck me, I know that band aids wont piece together your heart.
I know...
And I wish they would. God, I fucking prayed that they would.
But I am just ink being washed off your body, and I spin down your drain along with all the blood. You finally felt my teeth and threw me off as the dead weight carcass you no longer know. My elongated neck and pale skin can only fade into another set of pink memories. Catch my coat, and tell me I am a liar again if you still yearn to cut me. You whisper your apocalypse under your breath as drive away.
I wish you could be proud of me.
And
Whenever you leave
Always, I wish
I wish someone had my back.
Cause circumstance can fuck us over. And its not because Im a deadbeat user.
And its not because your a special little fuck of a freak.
When I think about it all
God help me!
They can say so many things about me. But that wont change the promises I made. It wont change how the stars were aligned when I left out my hearts desire on your driveway.
I will take my self-respect and my dignity. I won't give my heart to the demons. To many good things are written upon that organ for the rampage of malevolent souls.
So when youre not afraid to leave the dark quarters of that labyrinth, come out and talk to me.
I will tell you that you are beautiful.
With whatever I have on me.
Because that is written on my heart.
Thats all I wanted to say.
That and..
Im sorry
(and I still want to be mad but I will say it because I love you and I regret hurting you but I do want you to know that I need respect and love too, despite the circumstance and my mistakes and my apathy and all that shit, and I am doing my damn best to make you proud and I want you to love me long enough to see me shine for God and You)
Double standards and hypocrisy trickle down my neck. I open my eyes as I clench this broken window, I reclaim the air inside my lungs and the scars on my hands. It is a stary night, and I was playing the piano in my sleep. But my eyes wouldn't leave this plane, this reality beckons me to dig a whole 10 feet deep. My eyes are drawn to the dark, now that the light is on the other side of the world.
The single man of discontinuity walks into my house playing a sweeter song than I ever heard. He picks at the banjo singing sweet blues. He steps forward with all his dignity, he never lost a drop. Not a day of shame lay on his face.
His treasure is starving men, and beaten women, and the quiet children of the north. And he treasures them in song and rhapsody, in the silence and during the calamity.
My punk-ass heart beats to the pulse of another heart, long gone in the distance, hidden away by society. Self pity and blood soaken regret pile up in my throat. Oh dear Lord, look away, I am about to spill it all up. Oh dear Lord, stop looking, Im a half-beat wannabee. He lunges forward and places his finger on my lips. My breath comes back to my lungs like thunder and all my dirty words are dissolved.
Oh, THEN, after that...
Then, after that he speaks.
His words are like warm water falling down on top of my head, every drop anoints me. His words are like crystal caves florescent by the shine of the stars. His words are taring through the air, defying every ambush and hijack plot set against this heart of stone. His words are as quiet as the breeze, but boy do they take me home.
But I tear and twist at the sight of his kingdom, and I crack my ribs because the hypocrisy and error is burned deep in my skin. I know I've hearkened and I know I've been a fool and I cant help but feel I've missed this train. I found out gold wasn't gold unless there was light to shine upon it, and I was looking so hard in the water to find this gold, that I sank pretty deep into these dark blue pits.
And my older brother touches my eyes, and I never even realized they were closed. And as I look up, I notice he is wearing my blood soaken regret and the black crawling fear from inside me. I must of... thrown up.
He is wiping me down, for I spilt my shame in my lapse of consciousnesses. And as he clenses me of my filth in my nakedness, all my scars are sewn up and sealed up and I am uncursed. Just a reflex, he says, just his nature. I lie with my eyes open upon his face...
The night doesnt seem so dark anymore.
My brother, holds me as I sleep. He treasures my childs heart... despite the thorns that harm.
