What to do.

When I have no idea which direction my life is going... I want to scream. I want to scream now. What is going on is just sooo ridiculous. I want to be close with people... but it seems right now everyone is so far away from me. Even God.

....

I have been living loosely. On my terms. It hasn't been right. Sometimes I get way out of line with people... I have been selfish and cowardly.

Ive just wanted to be edified. Healed to what I was. Do you know what it is to be wounded so? Do you know what it is to be so downcast that you fear you will never return to the life your friends live?

I am so tired of getting out of bed.

School is tommorow and I am not prepared in any shape way or form. I failed things last year and I dont know if I could make up for these things. Because I am a senior things have the potential to unravel here and now. My life seems to be unraveling. I am still so young. Why should there be a mess that I could not pick up? Why is the pace so fast? Why do people judge me because I cannot keep up?

I need a friend but they are gone.

Alex is gone. Julianne is gone. I am pushing God away. Why?

I fear I am drowning and in my drowning I have grabbed the wrong things to stay afloat.

I am sick and tired of sin. Sin is killing me.