Will of Fire

Look at this gray land my brother. Look here Blackbird. 

Start the fire. We can burn these dead trees. We'll burn on these accursed memories.

But like the Will of Fire, our love shall consume us.

Our love will warm this cold earth. Gentle hands will pick up these ruins. When you feel the strain in your back, burst forth from the never-dying passion. Let hope swell up deep within your stomach and let it overflow, let it encompass every breath.

I know things are different than the visions of  the quiet.

The thorns and thistles twist around this empire of dark.

Insatiable hearts cling to these rocks, singing horrible songs of misguided love and illusions wrapped in shallow glamour. If they could they would eternally retreat to a warm, solitary fortress wrapped in the comfort of pitch black. They cut their hair and claw at their surroundings, and they cant see the 

beautiful stars.

Close your eyes dear.

Feel the sun.

Feel our fathers warmth.

Brother, feel his hands on your weary shoulders.

we are his children.

young, but strong.

He will not deny us our victory, but if we stay still, if we dont move, who will?

We are the chosen children. 

We will inherit our brother's victory. I will not be conquered by the enemy.

If we do not love our kingdom that is being prepared for us, who will fill it?

You dont honestly think he made you from dust, then died for that dust, just for you to pray sometimes and go to a sanctuary on a Sunday?

I saw you there, as you laid in that dirt. As the flesh wore off your bones and those creatures picked you apart. I knew when I looked into your eyes, that you were made for more beautiful things. If only I could take you by your hand, and lead you to that secret room, where he whispers his secrets. Just if you could know for one second longer how gorgeous the royal throne is.

I, myself, lied in the dirt. Like the mass of humanity, I did not know what love was.

I was sworn a traitor and an orphan. And my wage was never enough to pay the debt.

I was beat. I was cursed. I feared.

My eyes were hollow, my bones lifeless. My hair was matted and my skin was broken.

I was gone.

But their are saints who would not allow such things to happen.

A White Grizzly lent me his wise words and fathered my faith. I have grown to love a Champ of Angels (and all the True Cowboys).

I had the Fearfully-brave Poet share the beauty unseen, and the Valiant Patron of Aslan showed me the unremarkable colors of truth.

And Blackbird has exemplified the true work of The Spirit, whether she knows it or not.

My brother's love has come at me like a tidal wave. Now a radiance shines upon my cheeks; my eyes sparkle and my love is growing strong. My work is hard but my reward is sweet. The fight is bloody and I turn my head nearly every day, but I aint going back. Cause I am here to march to you, lift you on my shoulders and take you with me.

I aint got no time for dying. Neither do you. Not for the juggernaut, not for ester darker. Your fallout will silenced with his breath.

Never die, never be satisfied with this gray life.

DONT STOP TILL YOU SEE A MIRACLE!

Then take a breath,

and

continue

to love.

----------------------------------------------

How Elusive.

You rest on my shoulder watching the sun rise. You can feel the warmth of my skin as my yawning cheeks are met by golden sun rays.You are afraid to die, so you crawl inside.

Conversation stops as I start to choke. You slither down my spine round the vertebrae, pulling them apart. I can feel you in my body, I know the course of these movements. Back threw my throat. You consume my mind.

You are a snake and you steal love inside.

I am just clay, I am just flesh molding under the pressure of anyone's fingers. 

The blood grow thick under my forehead. And nothing will alleviate this sickness.

CAST DOWN YOUR IDOLS YOU SAY.

VICTORY OVER THE DEAD BY MY HANDS?

The dead slowly come to realize that their hands are not golden and strong but pale and quivering. The light jumps and I thrash into a darkness.

All I wanted was to be THE ONE WHO LOVED YOU LIKE YOU ALWAYS WANTED.

All I am is a muddied reflection in a dirty mirror of the man you need.

He walks away and I am not even there.

Miracles are elusive in the darkness of sin.

When I cant find a miracle I'll pretend.
Pretending doesnt help my case either.
I know
I know.
A juggernaut beckons me with angry fingers on my eyes. Older Brother, why so?

Why so?

Whatsthepoint

"Okay" the conducter says to me as he walks up to my seat
"You.. sir... seem to be....
                                            You..
                                                   I'm sorry sir,
                                                           Youre just to crazy to ride"

"Get the fuck off"

Thats what I know. Nonsensical brutality aimed at my sanity.
I quietly pick up my mess,
I clumsily try to stack my papers, he taps his foot impatiently.
I walk down the aisle as everyone stares at me.
I walk barefoot on a rich red carpet.
I am not wear I belong.


I step off.

And honestly, when I was with you (you thoughtless thought), I just wanted to shove

 a little fire down your throat.

I wanted to be the one to break your spirit. I wanted to twist your spine to look like mine.

I do not celebrate my excuse. I despise the hurt and the pain and I cry for liberation.
I walk in the dirt, the sunset is beautiful, and I join the sick and wasted (those who would never think to get on the train). I find you (my sister) alongside the train tracks and we kick dirt and grunt and get dust in our eyes.

I always find you alone here. Sitting by the edge. You just bleed out the strength to crack their windows. All the same. Youre right. We should all plan to say goodbye.

You (my sister) always leave to make yourself weak. And I want to scream for you, but you know, generally we are in a place where that would be publicly unacceptable.


So you want the ocean? Take it in and breath it deep into your lungs.

Bury your face in your fear. I cannot pull you by your hair. I cannot electrify your body and move it to salvation. I cannot even do that for myself.

I cannot love you as a lover. I will love you as your friend.

I will crawl up the mountains with you to find glimpses of hope, I will crawl with you through the thin crevices in this shanty town to receive just a hint of our salvation. I will push past my bodies pleas for death, on through the tunnel, and onto that shore(that one that I live for)(the one that I always forget)

The train passes us as we walk. I watch you watch it go by.

I etch your name in the air, I hold your heart in my head, beating and pulsing against my thoughts and emotions. You pant, fall on your knees and claw and grasp at the air.

I hear sounds of bones clash against one another and I realize you a bleeding. You (all of the cherished) etch his name(his are the lies) in a circle, and draw a curse for yourself in the center. His hands arise from the ground and hold on to you. I watch his hands secure your legs to the ground.

I know you (you thoughtless thought) wouldn't believe the things that are happening to me, I know you barely believe in her. But hear me now, we are not the first nor the last of our kind.

I pull you(all of the cherished) by your shirt, you feel me lean closer than you are comfortable, and I whisper in your ear,

"He is here for your eyes"

But you never wanted to go onward. You like it by the tracks. You like it here. You know your pain.

You(my sister) think you just might escape one day. You always sort of wished you could of ridden that train.

I said to her,

"I dont think that train goes anywhere.

There is only onward. 

Over the mountain, through the crevice, into the tunnel and out onto the shore.

Just kick the dirt (like we always do), scatter his name.

Your eyes are dull I know. So hold onto the lion."

I dont know what you see when I speak to you, but you twist your head and say to me,

"I will not follow you anywhere."

so what is the point?

I search my mind for an answer,

I see the imprints of our dancing in the dirt.

I remember the words you wrote on your wall.

And sometimes,

Sometimes I see the man of discontinuity waiting for me to leave. 

Sowhatnow?

I walk unsteadly, my eyes are dim. I am unstable without you(my sweet sister).

I wish you were here.

But I know I will spend an eternity with you. And maybe some time before that.

But now I see a great city before. I have survived psalv-muron, but it still latches onto me.

   

Thankfully, My Most Wonderful Brother gifted me with a little electricity in my veins.

And anyways, I cant stay, I have a Juggernaut to slay.

Blank Stare

Its just a different nowhere than the one I used to know.

Not like the one that threaded the needle through my skin, round the prison bars.

Its just, I had to close my eyes in order to hold her hand.

Hand in hand we would shut down on the world.

Some escape.

But as she broke in breathless affliction, serrated love filled her heart. Her knees buckle before the strangling powers. She touches her captor with sincere affection. The demon lies next to her, and writes words upon her forehead.

Some escape.

Same funeral. Blackbird, you always take me down. You show me, how much it hurts. And I cant help but weep about it all the time. Now, its just that I cant hold you still as you shiver. Now, I have no trees to hide my rage.

Just a blank stare. In a Dead World.

Just a weary soul picking up broken flesh. Moving it around.

I sit here clutching useless lists,

keys for doors that don't exist

I crack my teeth on pearls

I tear into the history

Show me what it means to me in this world

Yeah, in this world

'Cause I am due for a miracle

I'm waiting for a sign

I'll stare straight into the sun

And I won't close my eyes

Till I understand or go blind 

I see the parts but not the whole

I study saints and scholars both

No perfect plan unfurls

Do I trust my heart or just my mind

Why is truth so hard to find in this world

Yeah in this world

'Cause I am due for a miracle

I'm waiting for a sign

I'll stare straight into the sun

And I won't close my eyes

Till I understand or go blind (till I understand or go blind)

I know that there's a point I've missed

A shrine or stone I haven't kissed

A scar that never graced my wrist

A mirror that hasn't met my fist

But I can't help feeling like I'm

Due for a miracle

I'm waiting for a sign (waiting for a sign)

I'll stare straight into the sun

And I won't close my eyes (and I won't close my eyes)

Due for a miracle

I'm waiting for a sign

I'll stare straight into the sun

And I won't close my eyes

Singularity and Idolatry

26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. 27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

- James 1:26-27

The Torchbearer buried his face in lies. Black sticky atrocity filling his mind until it was gushing a purple poison.




Brother. What was I to do? The pressure was mounting. Our relationship? Lord you are strong enough to carry this sin. You are always there to come back to. Lord, by definition I am a whore. I will leave you to satisfy the lies. And when you come to me I will raise wooden nails. Brother, please don't come so close.

The torchbearer is no knight. He is a wanderer. A begger. All he has is that little flame.

He is a sickly man, a shape-shifter.

His veins would  bulge from his temple as his skin shifts into dark shades of blue; a desire is bubbling from his the solar plexus and he is no longer awake.

 He blows out his own light, because he knows

                     exactly

                          what is going to happen

                 and he does not want his faithful lover to see...

How I RAGE against the kingdom.

BUT MY VISION GETS TOO WELL ADJUSTED TO THE DARK.

I SEE YOU THERE GOD!

I SEE YOUR WHITE EYES WATCHING ME LEAVE YOU FOR MY OWN DEATH!

AND I SEE YOUR SADNESS AS I BETRAY YOU FOR QUICK PLEASURE.

I USE THE HANDS YOU THAT MADE TO COVER THE THAT EARS YOU MADE SO THAT I WONT HEAR THAT YOU LOVE ME!!!

BUT JESUS, YOU SHOULD SEE THAT HOLLOW LOOK SHE GIVES ME.

 IT SHINES THROUGH HER BONES.

I would re-open my wounds to dissolve her fears.

I would tear up my healing heart to make her shattered one seem more complete.

I have spent so much time, trying to make her complete.

But the fragments continue to fracture in my claws.

THE BROKENNESS CONSUMES ME EVERMORE

I AM UNEQUIPPED TO HOLD HER HAND MY GOD

WILL YOU BE THERE

WILL YOU HOLD HER MY SWEET LOVER

LORD MY TONGUE BEGS TO SING HER NAME

BUT YOURS IS FORCIBLY IGNORED IN MY BRAIN

MY FINGERTIPS ARE HOT AND RED AND I CANT WAIT

TO TURN AND LOSE MY LOVE AGAIN

if i lose your love Lord

ilosemylife

THEN AT MY FUNERAL, HER SOMMONIA WILL CRAWL OUT OF MY TOMB

AND SHE WILL NOT ATONE

NO SHE WILL GO DOWN COUGHING

THE SICKNESS WILL CRAWL FROM HER BURNING KNEES

UP INTO HER HEART

AND INTO HER EARS

CAUSE MY SINFUL SACRIFICE

JUST REINFORCED

THOSE LIES

SHE WILL TOSS AND TURN IN HER BED

UNTIL ITS GOTTA RUN DOWN HER SKIN

AND I WILL TURN IN MY GRAVE

AND I WILL WEEP IN MY YOUTH

LORD IF MY LUST IS A CULPRIT

I DO NOT WANT TO LUST EVER AGAIN

THE BLACK BEAST HAS RISEN AS MY IDENTITY

ITS JUST NOW IN HER DESTRUCTION

THAT I CALL OUT FOR SALVATION

CAUSE IF THIS IS WHO I AM

IF THIS IS WHO I AM GOING TO BE

LORD I CANT FIGURE A WAY OUT

WITHOUT YOU

LORD I JUST GOT HER VOICEMAIL

AND I THINK SHE IS FALLING FOR SOMEONE ELSE

LORD I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO

DEAR JESUS I NEED YOUR HELP

5 Jesus replied, "Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. 6 Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.

-John 3:5-6

And the spirit said to me;

"I WILL NOT CONDEMN YOU

I WILL NOT PUT YOU TO DEATH

YES, THE PENALTY OF SIN WAS DEATH

SO I DIED

YES! THE PENALTY OF SIN WAS DEATH

SO I DIED."

"AND NOW I WILL EAT WITH YOU

I HAVE STAYED WITH YOU THROUGH THE DARKNESS

I WILL COUNSEL YOU INTO THE LIGHT

TORCHBEARER, I WILL TAKE YOUR SCARS FOR YOU

FOR I AM THE LORD JESUS CHRIST

I WILL FORGIVE YOU A MILLION TIMES OVER AND A MILLION TIMES MORE

I WILL TAKE ALL YOUR WOODEN NAILS

I WILL CRAWL TO YOU THROUGH THE THORNS

WE WILL RISE ABOVE THIS WATER

I WILL BREATHE MY LIFE INTO YOUR BLACKENED LUNGS"

"JOSEPH, THE SIN AND FLESH WILL SOON BE DEAD

FOR IT IS THE CORE OF YOUR BEING I HAVE WON

I AM WHAT RESIDES THERE

WHO SHOULD STAND AGAINST ME?

NO DEMON CAN SEPARATE US!"

"BE STILL CHILD AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD"

"JUST AS I GAVE YOU A SOUL TO ENCOMPASS THE THINGS OF YOUR HEART

JUST AS I GAVE YOU A BRAIN TO CONTROL YOUR BODY

I BIRTHED YOU A SPIRIT, A HOLY OF HOLIES

IN WHICH I RESIDE

YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME" 

"IN THE SIN,

                        YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME.

I WILL SEND MY WORD AFTER YOU,

                        YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME.

I WILL PULL YOU BACK TO ME,

                        YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME.

I WILL BLESS YOUR LIFE,

                        YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME.

I WILL BREAK YOUR HEART,

                        YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME.

I WILL TAKE YOUR BURDENS,

                        YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME.

YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME AND YOU WILL LIVE BECAUSE OF IT.

YOU WILL BE A SLAVE TO RIGHTEOUSNESS

AND I WILL SATURATE MYSELF IN YOU

THROUGH WHICH YOU ARE SANCTIFIED.

BUT TORCHBEARER YOU MUST CAST DOWN YOUR IDOLS."

Then my Brother and I sat in sweet silence as I took him in.

As the Christ held my broken heart in his in his scarred hands, the shadows fled my cloak and the light of his eyes brightened my face. The cancer growing on my skin was ash in the wind. I simply breathed out the poison that once had overrun my veins.

He held my gaze.

He said this to me;

" LET ME HAVE ANNIE, LEAVE HER WITH ME.

JOSEPH, I CAN GIVE HER LIFE IN A WAY YOU NEVER COULD.

I AM THE LIFE WAITING FOR HER.

PLEASE LEAVE HER WITH ME JOSEPH"

And I said "Okay."

Joseph the Violent

Joseph cant give it up tonight. Swimming away in this grave, they tell me to hold on to my clothes, cause their gonna strip me of my bravery.

Joseph cant give it up tonight. The grown men will shake my hand and look me in the eye. But things have gone terribly wrong and we all know it. The years are all just whispers to the elderly children. Whispers of truths and lies. Whispers that make the women weep, and make the men rage inside. And we rage away, and take away until they all go away. And I've been learning, real well, how to die.

Joseph cant give it up tonight. I gotta make it through. The morning is coming, and

I. Do. Not. Want. To. Be. To. Deep. To. See.

Whisper me a storm. There is a deeper voice inside my gut.

No its beneath my guts and organs, beyond my brain, down deep in the cavern of my soul. There is a king writing my destiny upon its earthen walls. Thoroughly yet quietly he dies to make himself known to me. Now the light rides his fingertips up and down upon the obsidian, carving his beautiful name onto me.

Joseph cant give it up tonight. Cause he knows he has to get there. Those horsemen couldn't catch. Cause Joseph, he might not be the fastest, but he's a violent punk-saint-radical. You know, the kind we dont like.

Psalv Muron sunk me deep.

Propositions and words wont do it for me. I have pull myself through the waters, before my supply runs out. But even with the oxygen, my head still spins. Holding my eyes open seems to have the same effect as when my eyes are closed.

Cold darkness runs across my neck pulling at my emotions, and it claws for more. But its all I got in this empty black sea. We drift aimlessly apart, and my consistency seems to be failing me. It all dissolves in the pointless blank terror. This horrible membrane is against me, on every step shame arises, and steals and cheats me out of what I need.

I am thrashing, and shouting and singing and hurting, but I am still here. I will have to defeat this tempest here.