Its just about two things in reality.
The single man of discontinuity and his love for his little brother. In the midst of the horror, the little brother painted his eyes black//
Black as night, and hidden from sight, he keeps me in his arms, despite the thorns that harm...
Its just a different nowhere than the one I used to know.
Not like the one that threaded the needle through my skin, round the prison bars.
Its just, I had to close my eyes in order to hold her hand.
Hand in hand we would shut down on the world.
Some escape.
But as she broke in breathless affliction, serrated love filled her heart. Her knees buckle before the strangling powers. She touches her captor with sincere affection. The demon lies next to her, and writes words upon her forehead.
Some escape.
Same funeral. Blackbird, you always take me down. You show me, how much it hurts. And I cant help but weep about it all the time. Now, its just that I cant hold you still as you shiver. Now, I have no trees to hide my rage.
Just a blank stare. In a Dead World.
Just a weary soul picking up broken flesh. Moving it around.
I sit here clutching useless lists,
keys for doors that don't exist
I crack my teeth on pearls
I tear into the history
Show me what it means to me in this world
Yeah, in this world
'Cause I am due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
And I won't close my eyes
Till I understand or go blind
I see the parts but not the whole
I study saints and scholars both
No perfect plan unfurls
Do I trust my heart or just my mind
Why is truth so hard to find in this world
Yeah in this world
'Cause I am due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
And I won't close my eyes
Till I understand or go blind (till I understand or go blind)
I know that there's a point I've missed
A shrine or stone I haven't kissed
A scar that never graced my wrist
A mirror that hasn't met my fist
But I can't help feeling like I'm
Due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign (waiting for a sign)
I'll stare straight into the sun
And I won't close my eyes (and I won't close my eyes)
26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. 27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
- James 1:26-27
The Torchbearer buried his face in lies. Black sticky atrocity filling his mind until it was gushing a purple poison.
Brother. What was I to do? The pressure was mounting. Our relationship? Lord you are strong enough to carry this sin. You are always there to come back to. Lord, by definition I am a whore. I will leave you to satisfy the lies. And when you come to me I will raise wooden nails. Brother, please don't come so close.
The torchbearer is no knight. He is a wanderer. A begger. All he has is that little flame.
He is a sickly man, a shape-shifter.
His veins would bulge from his temple as his skin shifts into dark shades of blue; a desire is bubbling from his the solar plexus and he is no longer awake.
He blows out his own light, because he knows
exactly
what is going to happen
and he does not want his faithful lover to see...
How I RAGE against the kingdom.
BUT MY VISION GETS TOO WELL ADJUSTED TO THE DARK.
I SEE YOU THERE GOD!
I SEE YOUR WHITE EYES WATCHING ME LEAVE YOU FOR MY OWN DEATH!
AND I SEE YOUR SADNESS AS I BETRAY YOU FOR QUICK PLEASURE.
I USE THE HANDS YOU THAT MADE TO COVER THE THAT EARS YOU MADE SO THAT I WONT HEAR THAT YOU LOVE ME!!!
BUT JESUS, YOU SHOULD SEE THAT HOLLOW LOOK SHE GIVES ME.
IT SHINES THROUGH HER BONES.
I would re-open my wounds to dissolve her fears.
I would tear up my healing heart to make her shattered one seem more complete.
I have spent so much time, trying to make her complete.
But the fragments continue to fracture in my claws.
THE BROKENNESS CONSUMES ME EVERMORE
I AM UNEQUIPPED TO HOLD HER HAND MY GOD
WILL YOU BE THERE
WILL YOU HOLD HER MY SWEET LOVER
LORD MY TONGUE BEGS TO SING HER NAME
BUT YOURS IS FORCIBLY IGNORED IN MY BRAIN
MY FINGERTIPS ARE HOT AND RED AND I CANT WAIT
TO TURN AND LOSE MY LOVE AGAIN
if i lose your love Lord
ilosemylife
THEN AT MY FUNERAL, HER SOMMONIA WILL CRAWL OUT OF MY TOMB
AND SHE WILL NOT ATONE
NO SHE WILL GO DOWN COUGHING
THE SICKNESS WILL CRAWL FROM HER BURNING KNEES
UP INTO HER HEART
AND INTO HER EARS
CAUSE MY SINFUL SACRIFICE
JUST REINFORCED
THOSE LIES
SHE WILL TOSS AND TURN IN HER BED
UNTIL ITS GOTTA RUN DOWN HER SKIN
AND I WILL TURN IN MY GRAVE
AND I WILL WEEP IN MY YOUTH
LORD IF MY LUST IS A CULPRIT
I DO NOT WANT TO LUST EVER AGAIN
THE BLACK BEAST HAS RISEN AS MY IDENTITY
ITS JUST NOW IN HER DESTRUCTION
THAT I CALL OUT FOR SALVATION
CAUSE IF THIS IS WHO I AM
IF THIS IS WHO I AM GOING TO BE
LORD I CANT FIGURE A WAY OUT
WITHOUT YOU
LORD I JUST GOT HER VOICEMAIL
AND I THINK SHE IS FALLING FOR SOMEONE ELSE
LORD I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO
DEAR JESUS I NEED YOUR HELP
5 Jesus replied, "Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. 6 Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.
-John 3:5-6
And the spirit said to me;
"I WILL NOT CONDEMN YOU
I WILL NOT PUT YOU TO DEATH
YES, THE PENALTY OF SIN WAS DEATH
SO I DIED
YES! THE PENALTY OF SIN WAS DEATH
SO I DIED."
"AND NOW I WILL EAT WITH YOU
I HAVE STAYED WITH YOU THROUGH THE DARKNESS
I WILL COUNSEL YOU INTO THE LIGHT
TORCHBEARER, I WILL TAKE YOUR SCARS FOR YOU
FOR I AM THE LORD JESUS CHRIST
I WILL FORGIVE YOU A MILLION TIMES OVER AND A MILLION TIMES MORE
I WILL TAKE ALL YOUR WOODEN NAILS
I WILL CRAWL TO YOU THROUGH THE THORNS
WE WILL RISE ABOVE THIS WATER
I WILL BREATHE MY LIFE INTO YOUR BLACKENED LUNGS"
"JOSEPH, THE SIN AND FLESH WILL SOON BE DEAD
FOR IT IS THE CORE OF YOUR BEING I HAVE WON
I AM WHAT RESIDES THERE
WHO SHOULD STAND AGAINST ME?
NO DEMON CAN SEPARATE US!"
"BE STILL CHILD AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD"
"JUST AS I GAVE YOU A SOUL TO ENCOMPASS THE THINGS OF YOUR HEART
JUST AS I GAVE YOU A BRAIN TO CONTROL YOUR BODY
I BIRTHED YOU A SPIRIT, A HOLY OF HOLIES
IN WHICH I RESIDE
YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME"
"IN THE SIN,
YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME.
I WILL SEND MY WORD AFTER YOU,
YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME.
I WILL PULL YOU BACK TO ME,
YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME.
I WILL BLESS YOUR LIFE,
YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME.
I WILL BREAK YOUR HEART,
YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME.
I WILL TAKE YOUR BURDENS,
YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME.
YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME AND YOU WILL LIVE BECAUSE OF IT.
YOU WILL BE A SLAVE TO RIGHTEOUSNESS
AND I WILL SATURATE MYSELF IN YOU
THROUGH WHICH YOU ARE SANCTIFIED.
BUT TORCHBEARER YOU MUST CAST DOWN YOUR IDOLS."
Then my Brother and I sat in sweet silence as I took him in.
As the Christ held my broken heart in his in his scarred hands, the shadows fled my cloak and the light of his eyes brightened my face. The cancer growing on my skin was ash in the wind. I simply breathed out the poison that once had overrun my veins.
He held my gaze.
He said this to me;
" LET ME HAVE ANNIE, LEAVE HER WITH ME.
JOSEPH, I CAN GIVE HER LIFE IN A WAY YOU NEVER COULD.
Joseph cant give it up tonight. Swimming away in this grave, they tell me to hold on to my clothes, cause their gonna strip me of my bravery.
Joseph cant give it up tonight. The grown men will shake my hand and look me in the eye. But things have gone terribly wrong and we all know it. The years are all just whispers to the elderly children. Whispers of truths and lies. Whispers that make the women weep, and make the men rage inside. And we rage away, and take away until they all go away. And I've been learning, real well, how to die.
Joseph cant give it up tonight. I gotta make it through. The morning is coming, and
I. Do. Not. Want. To. Be. To. Deep. To. See.
Whisper me a storm. There is a deeper voice inside my gut.
No its beneath my guts and organs, beyond my brain, down deep in the cavern of my soul. There is a king writing my destiny upon its earthen walls. Thoroughly yet quietly he dies to make himself known to me. Now the light rides his fingertips up and down upon the obsidian, carving his beautiful name onto me.
Joseph cant give it up tonight. Cause he knows he has to get there. Those horsemen couldn't catch. Cause Joseph, he might not be the fastest, but he's a violent punk-saint-radical. You know, the kind we dont like.
Propositions and words wont do it for me. I have pull myself through the waters, before my supply runs out. But even with the oxygen, my head still spins. Holding my eyes open seems to have the same effect as when my eyes are closed.
Cold darkness runs across my neck pulling at my emotions, and it claws for more. But its all I got in this empty black sea. We drift aimlessly apart, and my consistency seems to be failing me. It all dissolves in the pointless blank terror. This horrible membrane is against me, on every step shame arises, and steals and cheats me out of what I need.
I am thrashing, and shouting and singing and hurting, but I am still here. I will have to defeat this tempest here.
A hundred drops of dew lay upon her body. She lies in the tall golden grass, slowly fading away, slowly escaping this world by sunstroke. Its a slow way to die, but her sweet laughter is enough to keep me here, prisoner by this inescapable depression. Sometimes, I'll ponder whether I'm really depressed, or if I'm just becoming dark wonder. Slipping my heart away, through the deepest folds of the universe, till the walls curve up on me. Till I find a place where nothing could leave, a place no one knows exist.
And she'll hold onto my dead body, waiting for me to say something. Waiting for answers I never knew the answers to anyways. Waiting for me to rise and show her what is good.
Psalv-Muron isn't letting go of my burning soul. The black flames of Amaterasu engulf my pretty face, through the cortex and through my blackened eyes. And though this freezing water rushes against my knees, I cant wash my face. I am scared. King, I am losing myself again. Perhaps finally. What if, this was the end.
I would leap out of this water. But what am I, without you.
You who would bring these bones back from the abyss, just to let them drop again.
And my angry delusions, spill forth at the mentions of your name. I push and shove myself into this icy sea, and I lie underneath, in these cocaine dreams. I turn prostrate, finding warmth under these burning rocks. The water turns red.
As I sleep the madness sets in. Running mad, from his bright eyes, from the entity whom I must face. Somehow he consumed all the others, holding there fingers, eyes like headlights. From fifty yards away, I hear him whisper "YOU'LL NEVER GET OUT OF THIS"
And my fear has its words set deep into my ribs, etched out on my shins and wrists. And lust has my hands shaking white, and my chest burning red. And its lust and fear keeping me here, for play with the thing with eyes like headlights. Digging his elongated fingers through my intestines, perhaps hes looking for my hate, or maybe just the last of my sanity.
Echos of indistinguishable voices ring through my head. Are they warning me, will I ever know. Dull and numb, I feel their operation.
Psalv-Muron is terrible. And it keeps me under. The water has picked up, the awful salty seafoam choking me. And my vision is slipping again. Fading into. Black.
Lord. they are destroying your temple. You gonna raise it in three days?
Lets update the dilemma to what it is. I will be as straight as I can be, with the definitions you have allowed me.
And
I will not be traced into a corner.
And
I'll be honest.
This life can be fucking disgusting.
It seems, I have lost the light in my eyes.
I do not know if that means I have lost my innocence. But it is a crown I cannot give to my king. I am greatly saddened. And the water has turned red. I do not know what that means.
Father forgive me. It is hard for me to retain your light, it always was a struggle.
I believe you can consume me, stir wisdom inside me, but I am unsure of whether or not, this is a bad soul.
I am unsure of what this soul is.
You know, your eyes are all powerful.
I need your answer.
My words are twisted till its painful. And as my wounds lie open, she stares with her eyes stuck to the ceiling. Your man was dead and you salivated when you finally saw his blood. And my ghost keeps staring at you, with dark sadness for you in his tears.
I feel so unknown to the crowd and all these characters on stage.
So, I guess I'll have God to talk to, when I cannot swallow any more pills.
He will attend my soliloquy even when my tongue is too tired to talk.
He will know the second I speak my beliefs.
He wont trouble me with non-sense but will sit me down to discuss the colors and their hues and their places (colors are never non-sense to me) but THEY, the richer and the tyrannical, they have a insatiable thirst for dimensional qualities which alludes me since the colors are not yet in their place.
But He will take care to discuss the blood oath that has so carefully shaped my life.
And He will not leave me a single day.
Which is nice.
And he has made known his beautiful heart through the love he has poured out to me my whole life. But I face my actions, and my uncleanliness presents itself, as I aim to present myself before him.
I am a sick man.
I walk out the walk laden with guilt.
And under the setting summer sun its not a fast rapture, not a radiant revival. Its a sweet and slow serenade. Whispering the secrets that make the young fools, wise.
So my antagonistic heart plays against him with my exilirs and unbalanced chemicals. With my diabolical defects and my anthrophobic twich. I manipulate the reason out of my mind, and become drunk and delirious off of my merry arrogance. I swear off the oath that I set with the full content of my once softened heart.
Then my... my awful heart takes heed to the words of black beast. His lies shut me down,
and I regress
and take as many backwards steps
As I can.
And the sin has me by the throat. Pulverized, as I depart from this plane. Separated from my saving grace, by such a hateful
heart.
And I can only think it is coming to an end. That his only choice is to write me an inevitable tragic exit.
I wish I could describe all the things that have gone wrong. I wish I could make you aware of how I burned as I sin. I wish you could know how guilty I felt, and how much I regret the things that I did.
How I wish I was clean.
And there it is, its small but it there. As I begin to dive headfirst into the concrete, at the name of Jesus Christ, something inside me starts to breath.
The cold hand of my soul reaches for a connection. And I feel the hunger. I feel the starvation.
And dear friend, I tell you I am ashamed of the truth;
In my evil cowardice I aim to suppress my dieing soul with the pressure of that beast, who dwells with me.
And he has burst in, illuminated my tabernacle.
He carries with him what I have lost.
He carries with him my torch.
And I hold it close, Its every nook pleases me and its strength warms my cold body.
Oh! How he defies the odds, that I laid out for him. How he defies the lies and snares I left in my unclean temple.
Jesus, soft spoken Jesus.
You are filled with authority.
You are filled with love.
I am yours?
Oh Lord. But how can I be clean?
How can I be redeemed?
How can I change from the failure I've become addicted too.
It is all I know and see.
Jesus. You are so good. Why are you so hard to commit to.
Why won't I be yours completely?
I know these lies are empty, but they cripple me in the temptation.
You love me. With all your heart.
You say you can overcome the dark.
You rage against the black malice that burns me away.
You are the proof in my love.
You are the established cause of my revival.
I may be a fool.
But you will lead me to the truth.
You are my shepherd.
You rod will uphold me.
You will call my name as I wander.
Surely you will always find me.
Surely your love will grow and breathe in this tabernacle.
See, I know you raise the dead.
To be with you, is better than life, so surely life must be lived with you.
Break me down, my King.
Break me down, and break out into the visceral.
Seize me in my sleep. Sing deep into my heart.
Bloody up the beast, and bear your lion's teeth.
Stop me where I stand, take me and save me by romance.
I'm tired of watching it all burn, so hold me as we turn
Into this dance of lovers, your truth will drive me upwards.
Upwards to your father, Whom I can't help but adore
I beg you, Lord cleanse me
Cause Jesus Im afraid of God Almighty.
Bring me to the rivers edge.
Make me whole again.
Holy Holy Holy, Is the Lord Almighty.
I used a lot of photography from musicandphotography be sure to check it out. Its really good.
