What to do.

When I have no idea which direction my life is going... I want to scream. I want to scream now. What is going on is just sooo ridiculous. I want to be close with people... but it seems right now everyone is so far away from me. Even God.

....

I have been living loosely. On my terms. It hasn't been right. Sometimes I get way out of line with people... I have been selfish and cowardly.

Ive just wanted to be edified. Healed to what I was. Do you know what it is to be wounded so? Do you know what it is to be so downcast that you fear you will never return to the life your friends live?

I am so tired of getting out of bed.

School is tommorow and I am not prepared in any shape way or form. I failed things last year and I dont know if I could make up for these things. Because I am a senior things have the potential to unravel here and now. My life seems to be unraveling. I am still so young. Why should there be a mess that I could not pick up? Why is the pace so fast? Why do people judge me because I cannot keep up?

I need a friend but they are gone.

Alex is gone. Julianne is gone. I am pushing God away. Why?

I fear I am drowning and in my drowning I have grabbed the wrong things to stay afloat.

I am sick and tired of sin. Sin is killing me.

Many Of Horror

I dreamt I had a heard a calling. This calling told me to leave where i was and venture else where. When I got there I heard her beneath the dirt. She was singing. So I dug her out... and she saw that I was her rescuer. She told me "thank you... but.... but.... I love you." I thought that by rescuing her, she would come back to me. Yet at the end of the dream she left me again.

Julianne has decided to break up with me. So some decisions have been made because of that choice. I will be moving into Austin. I will no longer go to school with her. Really she was the only thing truly holding me there.

All my friends are leaving me. Ellie, Alex, Jullianne. So I am going somewhere else where I am not known. Where I have no reputation. I think people pity me at my school. I dont think Im pathetic or weak. I just am easier to read than most. If I am in pain you can see it on my face. I know everyone has a broken world. We all live in a broken world. Im just not able to hide how I feel about my broken world so well.

Most of my buds from church go to bowie. So I guess I will join them. My brother will be leaving us. He will be leaving to go live with my father. I guess its a good idea.

My father has married a woman named Susanna Jones. She is kind and servant hearted. Really Young. But they seem aligned. I have been praying for them.


I have more faith in the power of prayer. The Lord has had to drill it into my mind... but he will move. I will never fear, for the Lord is with me. The Lord is omnipotent. Remember he is after you. He is after me. He tells me so.


If you read this, pray a prayer for Jake Lippe. He is a man of honor, and a man of troubles. He deserves a better life. Pray him the peace of the Lord and understanding in his weakness.

out.

King Minus The Sage

When we grew up

We never thought our friends would die

When we grew up

We never knew what was to lose everything

And if I was I a hero

One of those I loved as a child

We could take on the wild

And those bad bad country boys

My mother would hold us

And father would know us

As we grew up to be the strong and gentle kind

We'd get real jobs

And then we breathe

The kind of air

That Independence brings

Then we'd wed our lovers

to be eternally together

We'd move into the outfeild

Where seniors play

Then we could move into the outfeild

Where our heroes play!

Yeah you do don't you

You always remember those days

When Johnny had steady fists to raise

Against the demons and monsters

That had haunted our fathers

When all we could think of

Was to hide under our sheets

Like cowerdly sheep

My mother would hold us

And father would know us

As we grew up to be the strong and gentle kind

We'd move into the outfeild

Where seniors play

Then we could move into the outfeild

Where our heroes play!

We were always led by example

But only as children

I have to be the leader today

Cause there's a mess where stuck in

Left for the children

To become a king without a sage

Is to be a leader today

When we grew up

We never thought our friends would die

When we grew up

We never knew what was to lose everything

My Heart's Like a Wound

Im in that cycle of not sleeping.

Seems like I cant find a way to talk to Brian Fallon without getting interupted by the agent people. Im trying to get into an already sold out concert.. I gotta go... The Gaslight Anthem is knit to my soul. Like when Jonathan saw David for the first time.

Their story is one of late nights spent on the floor dream about a beauty caught up fully in heartbreak or wonder, a story of the balance that brotherhoods give to a man weighed down by the world, a story where music is cherished and memories are cherished and people are cherished as they should be, a story where home might not be the places that we dream of having, but by my God, we will do our best to make it your home, a story where redemption means something to those who have lost all that they love to a hard and cold world.

Man, that is MY STORY. That is my LIFE. That is what I live. I am knit to their music. I am knit to it.

My best Friend and I became best friends over their albums... during long summer drives, with the radio pumped to its fullest as we felt the hot air pass across our arms outside of his Eighty-Eight Oldsmobile. We memorized every word they had to say... and I would always sing an octave higher than my buddy Alex.

If you do not know who the Gaslight Anthem is you need to stop reading this blog and go find the song "Meet me by the Rivers Edge" and soak that sucker in. Please for the love of Jesus Christ go listen to them. Jesus Christ's love is very very important. Saved my ass on multiple occasions.

Their concert is on October 8th. And I do not know why it got sold out three months beforehand... but this is wrong.

So what am I gonna do now? Anything I can. Catch you kids later.

Much Love.