Nourishment

Cultural inclinations and categories hold their meaning in daily communications, actions and perceptions. My ability to be different from all the other regular attendees is completely uninspired and if I ever hope to grow to become something greater than whats under the sun, I have to meet the expectation for depth that I have committed myself to.

Why pursue such a vigorous course? Because I have all my cards in the truth. I am dedicated to alleviate the falsehood in my mind. I've been licenced to carry this sword on good faith, and I have been coordinated into glory and interwoven into wonder. But I cannot recieve hope on an empty promise, nor can I receive the blessings of a false deity. I tell you the truth, I've struggled my whole life with false deities. I'll count sleepless nights, clocking in to a network of shame and fallacies. Behind my eyes lies distorted chemistries of addiction and narcism. Thought that I looked like a more honest man, but I always had a sneaking suspicion that I was a thief at heart. I'll trade that heart in, but I'm hesitant to receive unwarranted gifts from a mysterious warrior. But when the sun comes out, I always see that he is a King cloaked in purity, flowing from his heart and lips. He's got a gnash in his side ten inches wide and there are holes in the same hands that fed me bread when I was a kid.

 I'll tell the king, I remember very well the times when I was fasting and I didn't mean to be fasting, but I went without. I would reflect on those who daily went without, they were on the television right after the commercials for my favourite fast food joint. Being a greedy child growing up under the Nazarene I had mixed feelings about nutrition. I spent my time speaking to the romantics; I liked the story they whistled up during their hopeless nights. The consequences of amusement park love songs seemed to rest as far away as I wished them to be. When I grew up I witnessed how many go lucky killers had nostalgia as their epitaph and the kids on the block had rumors about my tombstone going up as soon as I hit rock bottom. I was pretty sure that was what the Juggernaut had planned for me. Had I forgot the one who was broken so I could be remade I don't know if I would have gotten my nutrition straight. If I ate what they fed me, it didn't matter how much I received because tommorow I'd be twice as hungry as yesterday, with a headache to top it off.

Juggernaut made so many promises, and I believed everyone. His soul was as hollow as mine, but I grew up under the Nazarene. Instead of  leaving me to despair, at a young age, I knew a king who died to fill this empty carcass with an everlasting spirit. Serenity, selfless affections, an exuberance of life; these were laid into my hands as gifts of grace. And as I ate of them warmth returned to my body. The wellspring cup of saving blood overflew and ran down my beard onto my chest as I drank. As I returned from my impoverished place into the tabernacle of holiness that he declared my home. Communion fed my soul and brought me home.

Look and see, a Grand Commision followed by resolutions based in eternal convictions fertilizes a heart to grow deep roots of hope. Earthquakes come and apostates are confronted and weakness undermines all my self righteous claims. But the hope remains, and the gospel remains. Brother-King is walking with me uphill as I dwell on destruction, bent in stubbornness on vindication and pride. With each step I'm belittling a creator and spitting curses and spurning righteousness, all the same he claiming me as his own. God's wrath is satisfied in the substitution of blood and the ordinance or restitution is completed in my communion with an intimate deity.

 I cannot turn from the sun for its radiance surrounds me; and Christ, in all his providence, remains present in my insecure immersions in idolatry. I'll take up sword and cross; Grace in all his majesty compels me by beauty; securing for me daily, riches in dreams and aspirations for compassion and reconciliation, that are beyond me.