What to do.

When I have no idea which direction my life is going... I want to scream. I want to scream now. What is going on is just sooo ridiculous. I want to be close with people... but it seems right now everyone is so far away from me. Even God.

....

I have been living loosely. On my terms. It hasn't been right. Sometimes I get way out of line with people... I have been selfish and cowardly.

Ive just wanted to be edified. Healed to what I was. Do you know what it is to be wounded so? Do you know what it is to be so downcast that you fear you will never return to the life your friends live?

I am so tired of getting out of bed.

School is tommorow and I am not prepared in any shape way or form. I failed things last year and I dont know if I could make up for these things. Because I am a senior things have the potential to unravel here and now. My life seems to be unraveling. I am still so young. Why should there be a mess that I could not pick up? Why is the pace so fast? Why do people judge me because I cannot keep up?

I need a friend but they are gone.

Alex is gone. Julianne is gone. I am pushing God away. Why?

I fear I am drowning and in my drowning I have grabbed the wrong things to stay afloat.

I am sick and tired of sin. Sin is killing me.

Many Of Horror

I dreamt I had a heard a calling. This calling told me to leave where i was and venture else where. When I got there I heard her beneath the dirt. She was singing. So I dug her out... and she saw that I was her rescuer. She told me "thank you... but.... but.... I love you." I thought that by rescuing her, she would come back to me. Yet at the end of the dream she left me again.

Julianne has decided to break up with me. So some decisions have been made because of that choice. I will be moving into Austin. I will no longer go to school with her. Really she was the only thing truly holding me there.

All my friends are leaving me. Ellie, Alex, Jullianne. So I am going somewhere else where I am not known. Where I have no reputation. I think people pity me at my school. I dont think Im pathetic or weak. I just am easier to read than most. If I am in pain you can see it on my face. I know everyone has a broken world. We all live in a broken world. Im just not able to hide how I feel about my broken world so well.

Most of my buds from church go to bowie. So I guess I will join them. My brother will be leaving us. He will be leaving to go live with my father. I guess its a good idea.

My father has married a woman named Susanna Jones. She is kind and servant hearted. Really Young. But they seem aligned. I have been praying for them.


I have more faith in the power of prayer. The Lord has had to drill it into my mind... but he will move. I will never fear, for the Lord is with me. The Lord is omnipotent. Remember he is after you. He is after me. He tells me so.


If you read this, pray a prayer for Jake Lippe. He is a man of honor, and a man of troubles. He deserves a better life. Pray him the peace of the Lord and understanding in his weakness.

out.