"Okay" the conducter says to me as he walks up to my seat
"You.. sir... seem to be....
You..
I'm sorry sir,
Youre just to crazy to ride"
"Get the fuck off"
Thats what I know. Nonsensical brutality aimed at my sanity.
I quietly pick up my mess,
I clumsily try to stack my papers, he taps his foot impatiently.
I walk down the aisle as everyone stares at me.
I walk barefoot on a rich red carpet.
I am not wear I belong.
I step off.
And honestly, when I was with you (you thoughtless thought), I just wanted to shove
a little fire down your throat.
I wanted to be the one to break your spirit. I wanted to twist your spine to look like mine.
I do not celebrate my excuse. I despise the hurt and the pain and I cry for liberation.
I walk in the dirt, the sunset is beautiful, and I join the sick and wasted (those who would never think to get on the train). I find you (my sister) alongside the train tracks and we kick dirt and grunt and get dust in our eyes.
I always find you alone here. Sitting by the edge. You just bleed out the strength to crack their windows. All the same. Youre right. We should all plan to say goodbye.
So you want the ocean? Take it in and breath it deep into your lungs.
Bury your face in your fear. I cannot pull you by your hair. I cannot electrify your body and move it to salvation. I cannot even do that for myself.
I cannot love you as a lover. I will love you as your friend.
I will crawl up the mountains with you to find glimpses of hope, I will crawl with you through the thin crevices in this shanty town to receive just a hint of our salvation. I will push past my bodies pleas for death, on through the tunnel, and onto that shore(that one that I live for)(the one that I always forget)
The train passes us as we walk. I watch you watch it go by.
I etch your name in the air, I hold your heart in my head, beating and pulsing against my thoughts and emotions. You pant, fall on your knees and claw and grasp at the air.
I hear sounds of bones clash against one another and I realize you a bleeding. You (all of the cherished) etch his name(his are the lies) in a circle, and draw a curse for yourself in the center. His hands arise from the ground and hold on to you. I watch his hands secure your legs to the ground.
I know you (you thoughtless thought) wouldn't believe the things that are happening to me, I know you barely believe in her. But hear me now, we are not the first nor the last of our kind.
I pull you(all of the cherished) by your shirt, you feel me lean closer than you are comfortable, and I whisper in your ear,
"He is here for your eyes"
But you never wanted to go onward. You like it by the tracks. You like it here. You know your pain.
You(my sister) think you just might escape one day. You always sort of wished you could of ridden that train.
I said to her,
"I dont think that train goes anywhere.
There is only onward.
Over the mountain, through the crevice, into the tunnel and out onto the shore.
Just kick the dirt (like we always do), scatter his name.
Your eyes are dull I know. So hold onto the lion."
I dont know what you see when I speak to you, but you twist your head and say to me,
"I will not follow you anywhere."
so what is the point?
I search my mind for an answer,
I see the imprints of our dancing in the dirt.
I remember the words you wrote on your wall.
And sometimes,
Sometimes I see the man of discontinuity waiting for me to leave.
Sowhatnow?
I walk unsteadly, my eyes are dim. I am unstable without you(my sweet sister).
I wish you were here.
But I know I will spend an eternity with you. And maybe some time before that.
But now I see a great city before. I have survived psalv-muron, but it still latches onto me.
Thankfully, My Most Wonderful Brother gifted me with a little electricity in my veins.
And anyways, I cant stay, I have a Juggernaut to slay.
